The cycle of life is not to be confused with the circle of life. I believe that during our lives we endure cycles of love, grief, loneliness, joy and every other emotion, but they are cyclical in nature as you experience them more than once versus the circle of life from birth through adolescence to adulthood before passing on.
When I first began writing a weekly essay I didn’t specifically think about the cycle of life, but if you read each of the almost 800 essays, you’ll soon discover that almost every one of them has a strand that directly references or discusses some aspect of our lives.
Yes, I’m very reflective and so often delve into what is behind my thinking for an essay. For much of my writing journey I’ve focused on themes, albeit subconsciously.
However, on closer inspection you’ll detect the theme of life is at the centre of each of them. Whether it’s my childhood stories, or my travel adventures to my stories of Zach and Sam and even my embrace of mindset and coaching you’ll see a humanistic side of me.
As with most of us my life has not been a straightforward one, in fact far from it.
Since my dad’s passing and the crisis that I endured during that turbulent 18-month period where my dad was diagnosed with stage IV Glioblastoma (brain cancer) and subsequently died, my 14-year marriage dissolved and to top it all off I walked away from my management consulting career.
Yeah, rather substantial change in a short period of time. Moving from being a partner at one of the world’s largest consulting firms and working with clients from all over the world to becoming a single parent and starting all over again during a time of extreme grief.
Not easy to live through, but I know many of you who are reading this have endured this and more…
The point is not to feel sorry for myself, but to show you what can be accomplished when faced with what you imagine at the time is insurmountable.
When you have grief coming at you from all angles (loss of a parent and loss of a marriage), the guilt associated with leaving a marriage and having to explain to your children that they will have to deal with a broken home or at least two living arrangements, to the angst of having to start again and ensure that you can create a loving home as a single parent.
When you’re in this position, you’re not only dealing with your own grief of the loss of your marriage but also helping and supporting your kids who are grieving and going through a major trauma where their family has been pulled apart.
Circumstances like these can be overwhelming and to be honest I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy…
During this period, I restarted my counselling which I believed helped enormously, not for the advice but for the space to think and talk my way through each aspect that I was dealing with.
With significant pressure on many fronts, I had to find the inner strength to pull myselt up emotionally and keep moving forward as best I could.
This is all part of the cycle of life, albeit uniquely different for each of us but at some point, in our lives we all are tested in this type of way.
Some days were more difficult than others, but my mantra during this period became “just put one foot in front of the other and do the best you can”.
Time is our friend in situations like this,
As I became more comfortable and accepting of the situation the stress slowly lessened as I rebuilt my life around Zach and Sam. I was determined to provide them with a stable home, consistent parenting and home cooked meals as I had them 50% of the time.
Trust me the teenage years can be difficult, but for the most part we collectively were able to work our way through it without too much difficulty.
However, it was through this period that I began writing, and along with this came a lot of time to reflect on the cycle of life and how I could become the best dad I could be. For me, this commitment was non-negotiable and so I placed a lot of emphasis, plus time and effort into building a home, resurrecting my career and overcoming my grief.
I learned a lot about myself as a single dad, not least of which was to listen more and speak less as I tried to understand the challenges Zach and Sam were facing during their formative years.
An important as aspect of their teenage years was to expose them to global travel and all that came with acclimatizing to new countries, cultures and social structures. We were able to travel extensively thanks to all the airmiles I had accumulated during my consulting days – this was a great opportunity for us to come together and explore.
My hope has always been to be a good dad, one that Zach and Sam can look back on over their lifetimes and reminisce about our adventures and the advice and guidance I’ve been able to share with them without being too overbearing.
Truly experiencing the cycle of life firsthand while leaving them with indelible (lasting) memories of a loving father, who by his actions was an adventurer and explorer at heart.
Take a moment to reflect on the circle of life moments that you’re experiencing. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, marriage or relationship, and/or the compounding effect of other external pressures – how are you coping and dealing with your circle of life moments?
Food for thought…
Until next week.
Ciao!