As I was perusing my archives, I came across one of my favourite essays from June 2020 when I was living in Toronto and us, as in the global we were in the grip of the pandemic. It’s interesting to check in and see what was on your mind just over five years ago.
My journey over the past five years has been drastic to say the least. Deciding to sell my house in Toronto and move back to Australia toward the end of 2020, meeting my beautiful wife Judy, getting remarried and now downsizing to a townhouse all in that time.
Sometimes it feels as though when I go back into the archives and read my older essays, whether they be five-years or fourteen years (yes, it’s been that long since I started my weekly essay) it feels like reading a time-capsule of my life.
Fascinating to see my state of mind and thoughts evolve and renew over the years. The remainder of this essay has been slightly adapted for today’s state of mind, however my sentiments haven’t changed in terms of my beliefs about the poem and its meaning.
Admittedly, it’s been a crazy month of moving and renovations on our new place, next weekend we get our furniture and hoping that all the work will be completed by then so we can unpack and settle back into a routine.
There is nothing like camping amid construction, dust and debris to get you out of a routine. Enjoy this week’s revisiting of…master of my fate, the captain of my soul.
This incredibly powerful verse from the poet William Ernest Henley (1849–1903), who understood the trials and tribulations of life as he battled Tuberculosis and ongoing health issues his entire life penned them in his seminal work – Invictus.
“I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul” means that it is up to me to determine what my future will bring.
It puts me in the driver’s seat of my life… I take full responsibility for my life and everything that happens in it. There is no one to blame or finger point at if things go awry… nope just me!
To me this verse is both empowering and so incredibly true! Not just for me, but for each of us. It wasn’t until later in my life that I finally figured out that I controlled my life, and that if I wanted to live life on my terms I could. I just needed to be courageous enough to do it!
We often feel under the control of others and not with the requisite freedoms to live life on our terms. This can as simple as feeling trapped in an unrewarding job, while knowing that you must pay the bills and support your family. It can eat away at you…. I’ve been there!
Perhaps it’s a maturity thing, or perhaps it’s an inflection point in our lives. Whatever it is it makes us stop and gives us an “ah-ha” moment, when everything changes. Some might categorise it as a mid-life crisis. But rather than see it in a negative light, it’s the opposite.
Self-realization is never a bad thing. Allowing ourselves to step back on our life and reflect on your choices and direction, is in my mind mandatory!
For me, my inflection point came with the culmination of a few things. The loss of my dad, the unravelling of my marriage and a job that took me away from my kids without any opportunity to change.
Yeah, nothing good you would think…
However, what it allowed me to do was to understand that if anything was to change and me overcome my grief with these cumulative things then the only way forward was going to be dependent upon me. I had to make the tough decisions to leave my unhealthy and unhappy marriage, to leave my toxic workplace and to choose a new path forward.
Funny how everything happens at once… I also had to be strong enough to accept that I didn’t have a safety net and that with all the change that was required would be on my shoulders alone to carry.
My first and paramount concern was for Zach and Sam and their emotional welfare as it would be as hard or harder on them…. I had realised that if I was unhappy then eventually this would impact them, if not already. So, this became an imperative, not a nice to do.
There’s no question that this two-year span was the culmination of many years of thought and consternation. It also served as the most challenging period in my life emotionally. And that to be honest, is saying something…
The tricky part is that I was having to make these big decisions without guidance…literally following my gut or survival instinct. I know this might sound a little flaky (now, now…that’s your outside voice) but when you open yourself up to the universe things happen.
Literally surrendering myself and following my heart allowed me to open in a way that I didn’t expect. Things started to happen…
I decided to start my own business and not to rely on others to control me working life. This has been huge! The best part is that opportunities have found me, and I couldn’t be happier nor less engaged.
Second, I rediscovered my identity. Gaining my personal confidence took time but became the cornerstone of my new life. I also found that self-reflection was the key to creating the life you’ve always wanted and dreamed of, which comes from within, not external validation.
To be clear you, and you alone control all aspects of your life, and you don’t need to be dependent upon others, although I’ve found that with a loving and trusting partner life can be whole lot smoother.
All I know is that I can’t imagine my life if I hadn’t had the courage to take stock and listen to those powerful words “I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul“.
No matter where you are in your life take a moment to let these words just soak in…
Until next week
Ciao!