I’m not sure about you but I was never educated on the power of your mind during my formative years, but as I’ve matured, I now understand that mindset is everything in life.
In fact, I would suggest that our individual mindsets are the keys to a successful life. Perhaps, I’m a slow learner but It has taken me much of my life to understand that having a positive and resilient mindset is absolutely everything when it comes to living your best life.
Many might believe that we have a single mindset that once forged cannot be changed
Like most of us my mindset has been shaped initially by our parents and siblings, then layered over time with our personal experiences. From an early age this crucible forged the type of mindset we’d adopt and whether our perspective was leaning toward a more positive or negative aspect.
Growing up in poverty my mindset during childhood was geared toward the negative. It was a constant struggle and so along with this was a sharp negativity to life and all that it encumbered. And it wasn’t until much later in life I was able to get beyond this form of inherent negativity and begin to reshape my mindset into a more positive one.
The next layer of our mindset is shaped is through our personal experiences.
We all experience trauma of one form or another over the course of our lifetimes, some smaller than others but in each and every scenario what helps us through these dark periods is having the ability to see beyond what is directly in front of us, along with the strength and fortitude to keep moving forward.
In many of these traumatic situations (e.g. loss of a loved one, divorce, abuse), there are deep wounds associated with your experiences. Each have a natural grieving period that you must progress through to be able to get past the situation.
However, sometimes we find ourselves mired in grief, or becoming the perpetual victim versus using our mindset to move beyond what is in front of us. We need to acknowledge the loss or trauma to begin the process of recovery. To do this all comes down to your own personal readiness and an open mindset.
Although to be clear you have to be ready to move and embrace change.
For me I chose counselling to help me overcome my trauma but also to break free of my mental barriers and inherent negativity
I know that I would not have been able to get past my childhood sexual abuse or the loss of my parents without counselling and so I’m a huge supporter of getting the help you need. In each of these personal situations the counselling was a way for me to open up and let the guilt, shame, trauma out.
To be clear there is no magic to counselling, in fact, over the years each of my four counsellors provided me with the time and space by encouraging me to reflect and talk about the trauma without judgement. Asking questions which allowed me to broaden my reflection and in time understand and forgive.
In some ways counselling was a step into the unknown, and so I was fearful of the process and possible outcomes. The most difficult part was recognizing that I needed help and then forcing myself to follow through and begin counselling.
When I first began seeing my first counsellor there was stigma still attached especially for a male seeking counselling. I was never one to broadcast that I was seeing a counsellor, but if anyone asked I became more confident over time in telling people about my counselling.
Sometimes this first step is so huge that it seems insurmountable, but if you can acknowledge the fact that you need help this is a strong start which you can build on.
The next layer for developing your mindset is having the ability to reflect and glean some important truths from our lives. Often, it takes us a few times to learn a lesson, so the sooner we can reflect on the situation and hold those against our values, beliefs and motivations the sooner we may be able to learn the valuable lessons required.
For me reflection time is an important part of each day as this helps me re-centre my mindset.
Developing this habit has been great for me personally, but again everyone is different so what works for me may not work for you. Each of us have to find our own path to developing a positive mindset and building resilience. Clearly, it’s not as simple as it sounds.
Like most things in life, developing your mindset takes time, effort and dedication to this form of change and not something that can be rushed. This process will also have its ups and downs, so it’s also important not be derailed when things don’t go right, which invariably will happen from time to time.
Developing your support network can really help during these moments when things are not going as planned. The important part here is that your support network must feel comfortable enough to call you out without rancour or resentment.
You can see that there are many facets that go into developing your mindset, and just focusing on one will not get you moving fully in the right direction.
It takes courage to want to change your life, but even more courage to actually follow through and incorporate the tactics to enable you to do so effectively. Remember, it’s not a “one and done.” This takes a lifelong commitment to developing the best possible “you”.
As I’ve said many times, your mindset is completely up to you…
Ready to reflect on this week’s essay?
Until next week.
Ciao!