We’re all flawed in some way…I know that one of my biggest flaws is that I have a restless soul.

This is not something new for me, well except that I’m saying it out loud I suppose and that I’m finally admitting it to myself after all of these years.

An unfortunate side effect is that it provides you very little patience for those around you. You want everything today…not tomorrow.

My restless soul is not something new. Nope, ever since I was a very small boy I’ve had to live with with obvious affliction. 🙂

Trust me, I’ve tried to fit in.

I was married for 14+ years and helped raise two incredible kids that I absolutely love. The best part is being a dad and all that comes with it.

Some might think that it’s because I’ve been single for so long that my soul may just be broken… I must admit that living life on my terms has become part of the fabric of who I am.

So what leads me to believe that I have a restless soul you ask?

For me almost everyone of the following statements is true:

  • I think about traveling all the time, in fact its one of the only things that quenches the fire inside me.
  • I love traveling because it expands my mind and allows me to connect to the things outside myself
  • I’m always looking for a new adventure, another goal to accomplish or mountain to climb (figuratively speaking that is)
  • If I stay in a job for too long I begin to feel uneasy, so I cope by getting promoted or taking on new responsibilities of which I then begin to tire of
  • I totally dread routine
  • I’m not a fan of staying in any one place for too long, as I begin to feel trapped and stuck.

Clearly, the first sign is my insatiable desire to travel and explore the world. I’m happy to travel by myself, and am comfortable with my own company.

In fact, at times I would prefer it.

The current pandemic has put a decided crimp in my travel plans which makes me feel anxious as to when I could potentially resume my adventures again.

The other big sign for me is my constant thinking about what’s next in life. Not surprisingly I’ve always had this inert desire to keep moving…onwards and upwards and seek new goals and adventures.

This can make it very tricky on a number of fronts…

A great example of my restless soul is that I often scour real estate sites in both Italy and Australia as I can see myself living in either or both. Yep, it’s become quite a habit.

I guess my dream would be to have a place in all three locations (Canada, Italy and Australia) and travel between them all over the course of the year.

However, unless I win the lottery that is an unlikely scenario. 🙂

My consternation comes to the fore when I take into account Zach and Sam and where they are in their lives.

Zach will be starting his final year at McGill this coming September and my best guess is that he will go to the UK to undertake his masters program.

Sam has just finished her first year of the five year coop program at Waterloo. I definitely don’t want them to feel as though I am abandoning them…

So do I need to own a place at all is the question? Or should I just rent for a few months at a time in all three places? Either way it’s a pricey proposition especially for a restless soul like me!

I totally envy those out there that can be content with where they are and what they’re doing in life.

I know, it’s such a first world problem. Yet of all the things I struggle with, (yes, we all have struggles from time to time), this seems to be my most ardent challenge.

In the grand scheme of things it’s a ‘nothing’. Yet I find that it gnaws away at my very being almost non-stop.

As you can imagine, it’s quite disconcerting to say the least.

This is particularly true when it comes to forming relationships.

I know from first hand experience that I get bored easily…I like variety…which can often lead to conflict in relationships and are additional symptoms of a restless soul.

Over the last few years, I’ve tended to push people away if I sensed that they didn’t have a similar view on life. Perhaps worrying that they might somehow try and pigeon hole me into a “normal” life.

Seemingly there are very few people who are wired like me, well, at least that I’ve met..

So there you have it…one of my deepest secrets and flaws out there for everyone to see. Sort of refreshing to actually talk about it and get it off my chest.

For the most part I think I conceal my flaw reasonably well given that I only communicate those things that I want people to see. Clearly I’m not alone on this front!

Although the image I portray is less than an honest one…although I also think that this is part of our vulnerabilities as human beings.

It’s been an interesting week in self isolation (another to go), which I guess has spurred my soul searching and navel gazing. Yep, too much time on my hands but in a good way. 🙂

I know some people may think less of me after reading this story, and yet others may understand my conundrum. Personally I’m hoping it’s that later, but you never know.

Until next week

Ciao!