Role model

From the day our children are born we are destined to become a role model whether we like it or not.

From what I’ve found a vast majority of new fathers wonder whether they’ll be able to measure up and become a good father and role model.

I know I was scared when Zach was born because I was afraid that I might not measure up.  Seriously, what did I know about raising a child…

However, my fears soon evaporated in a sea of diapers, story times and late-night bottles which I began to love more and more as the days, then weeks progressed.

From the very first day, and others may say earlier when I read stories to both Zach and Sam in the womb, I unknowingly had already become a role model for them.

That meant that I had to be on my game, consistently reinforcing my values with them from an early age and more importantly consciously be aware of my actions and words.

Ultimately, being a dad is the absolute best thing ever.

Many might think it’s easy and you really don’t have to think about your behaviour in front of your kids.

Just so you know, your role model days begin at birth and never end.

Trust me, your children are like sponges and from the earliest moments of their childhoods and they’re always paying attention to your voice, it’s tone and particularly your actions.

How you react in certain situations tends to become hard coded into their psyche and before you know it, they’re mimicking your reactions.

If you throw a tantrum because something didn’t go your way and you yell and scream – guess what?   Yep, you’ll often find that’s the same response they have when things don’t go their way…

As someone once said to me “small kids, small problems, big kids, big problems” and they are totally right.

When the kids are young in their early formative years, they are watching you and mimicking you at every turn even though they may not have the language skills or maturity to fully understand what is going on.

But as your kids mature into becoming teens – watch out!

This is where the “rubber hits the road” so to speak and unless you’ve instilled in them strong core values you may be in for a bumpy ride.

I’m not talking rocket science or a bunch of new age thinking here.  In my mind it boils down to some basic and fundamental things:

• Respect for others– treating others with dignity regardless of their background or beliefs, just how you would like to be treated.
• Personal Integrity – being honest, truthful and taking responsibility for your actions even if it’s painful.
• Showing empathy and compassion – putting yourself in the shoes of others to try and understand what others are feeling and experiencing from their point of view.
• Demonstrating fairness – making judgements and taking actions without bias or discrimination.
• Cooperation and teamwork – always doing your best and working with others to the best of your ability.

Clearly this isn’t an exhaustive list but the few that have been prominent in my life.

A great example this week was when Sam and I were in a bookstore.  We were each browsing different sections and I picked up a book entitled “Essays that will change the way you think” and begin skimming some pages.

Just then Sam was at my shoulder, and I said I think I’m going to buy this book.  She said I’ve read it and loved it, but you can have my copy.

I realize this doesn’t mean much in this context except that when she gave me the book a couple of days later, worn and dog eared there was a page in the book that had been miscut.

As she handed it to me, she said “dad, I couldn’t imagine a better page for you to read first”.  When you get a moment – flip to pp 86 – 87 and you’ll see what I mean…

I was blown away, not only by the contents of these pages, but by the inner meaning of how she views life and my role in it.

Over the course of our lives, our parents will be our initial role models, but invariably there will be many others during your life that will also mentor and guide you.

If someone asked your right now who, other than your parents who were the greatest influence in your lives who would you tell me about?

Why was there guidance, coaching, mentoring so meaningful to you?  How did they help shape you, you’re thinking and ultimately your life?

If there was one piece of advice or role modelling that they imparted on you either verbally or non-verbally, what would it be?

As you know I love to selfe-reflect and actively spend time on topics like this.

Which I suppose in some ways is all part of developing self-awareness and emotional intelligence (two of my favourite topics).

Personally, I’ve been fortunate in that being a role model is also about learning about who you are and what is important to you.

It’s now up to you to put this into action and demonstrate it every day to those that you love and care about.

Until next week

Ciao!