Have you ever take a step back and really taken a hard look at your inner truths?

To me these are what make me tick… My values and how they’ve shaped who I am. The real and authentic me.

As I’ve said before we all like to have others believe we have the perfect life. Clearly social media is a strong enabler of this, but the reality is sometimes far different.

Well, let’s see…

Let me lay out just a few of these:

I’m anal about tidiness and cleanliness, which stems from the chaos that I experienced as a kid.

I find it impossible to be around smokers or people who drink to excess…again negative experiences from my childhood that I would rather forget and not have to deal with again.

Another of my inner truths is that I’m a solitary person, and keep my own council often times to my own detriment. I’m the introverted extrovert that I talked about in a recent essay.

I have strong personal ideals that are sometimes too rigid. Strange how I know this yet, they govern my perceptions and actions so often…

Trust has been a difficult thing for me to overcome given my childhood. Since an early age I’ve had to fend for myself emotionally and it takes an inordinate amount of interaction to begin to trust someone.

This has caused me great anguish in that when seeking a relationship, I often convince myself that for some reason I can’t fully trust that person and so run.

It’s not the only reason, but deep down it has been the source of heartache.

Even with years of counselling my ability to trust is tenuous. At times I’m like a forensic scientist examining every interaction for inconsistency and constantly weighing up the pros and cons.

This is all compounded by the fact that the longer you’re by yourself the more difficult it is to re-couple. Especially since it’s plainly obvious I’m set in my ways…

Yeah…this is really painful!

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve created the life I’ve always wanted but at a cost. Perhaps my shell has hardened over the last few years, because I definitely know what I want and what I don’t want in a relationship.

I don’t think I’ve ever talked about my personal relationships in my essay, so here goes. Judge me if you like, but as you know I’m one to share it all – warts and all.

So here goes…

I’m a big believer in positivity, confidence and independence.

For me, positivity is someone’s overall outlook on life, there will always be hiccups and roadblocks but it’s how you ultimately deal with these that sets someone apart.

I think not sweating the small stuff is also very important and often underrated…

Can they see the glass half full, or do they only see it half empty?

If somedays it half empty (invariably it is for us all), then what do they do to change the game to see it half full again.

Not a fake positivity, but a authentic and real mindset.

How about confidence? What does this mean in a partner? Well, for me it means that they have a clear idea of what they want in life and unafraid to go for it.

A big part of confidence stems from personal drive coupled with the energy to move forward in a positive way. A glass half full sort of person!

In this department I’m a mix myself so I’m able to recognise it when I see it. 🙂

Another key aspect is that they don’t need someone to validate what they’re doing or where they’re going in life.

They are focused and going for it – all in! And know exactly what they want out of life and are passionate about it.

They also keenly aware of their path and are enjoying the journey.

Seriously, nothing more sexy than confidence. 🙂

Sometimes it be as simple as they way they dress, or the way they enter a room or hold court at a social gathering. Some people might say its part confidence and part charisma.

To me, its the special sauce…

Interestingly, independence one is often a point of conjecture for many people. What does independence mean?

Well, for me there are a few facets, but essentially they have a life of their own and don’t depend on you for every aspect of their life.

Whether it’s seperate interests, activities or hobbies I think it’s important to enjoy life together as well as apart.

Another important aspect is financial independence. This is super tricky when re-coupling.

I’m not looking to be a sugar daddy irrespective of age. I know you’re thinking…yeah right TW, in your dreams! (that’s definitely your outside voice!). 🙂

I’ve worked hard for my financial independence and want my partner to have done the same, and not expect a free ride…

Contentious for sure!

Don’t worry I’ve been told “I’m cheap” in the past… Says it all really doesn’t it.

Well, what about my other inner truths other than in a relationship or potential partner you ask?

Honesty is vital! Telling the truth no matter how painful is at the cornerstone of my values.

This can be difficult because we all screw up at times, but owning up to it can illicit feelings of shame and guilt which never feel good.

For me, unfortunately it’s the price of admission. Anytime I feel conflicted then I know that the only way forward is the truth.

This is the best protection against guilt or shame – just tell the truth. I’d rather have someone do that than lie. I can get over a mistake, but not a lie…yep that trust thingy again. 🙂

Fundamentally, I think we’re all flawed in some way and don’t want you to think that I’m on my soapbox.

I just thought was time to put out my less attractive side for all to witness. Eek right???

Until next week