Over the years I’ve written a lot about my life and the motivations, but only occasionally about the things that I’d rather not talk about or not let you see. I suppose we always want to present to the world the best possible picture of yourself rather than the sometimes less flattering one with all our foibles on display.
You could say it’s a reflection of the human condition, or maybe put it down to the constantly evolving social media circus (for which clearly, I’m a part) along with about 75% of the world’s population.
Creating the illusion of perfection or the perfect life seems to be the most common form of online presence. Rightly or wrongly, it’s a competitive arena where only those truly committed to the long game will survive
Let’s take a reality check for just one minute. In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter?
The answer is – “not really”.
The fundamental question is – what is the perfect life?
I spent a lot of time contemplating this very question over the holidays during my trip to Australia with Sam and Zach.
I guess we each have our perfect rendition of our best selves, and the best life that we’re all striving for. And yes, it’s not always roses that’s for sure.
For many of us, me included, it can be like a duck on a pond. Above the surface everything looks amazingly calm and in control whilst underneath the water the duck is paddling like crazy just to keep their balance.
You’re not alone! 🙂
It’s a constant balancing act and one that I have become familiar and comfortable with over the years.
Endeavoring to live an authentic life on your terms is not just words, but actions and deeds. These require your absolute commitment, and not just the days you feel like it. Trust me this comes from experience! 🙂
It really is about coming to grips with a few fundamental questions and getting to know the real you, and not just the facade that your put forward (remember there are no right or wrong answers, and really for your eyes only):
So, get your pen and paper ready to begin answering the following questions – make lists, write it down (I find it’ more powerful if it’s written out and in front of you):
- What are the most important things in my life? Is it your family, children, health, wealth, material things…
- What are my motivations in life? Is it money, fame, fortune, love, family, contentment, happiness…
- What are my core values? What’s non-negotiable? How do you demonstrate them on a daily basis?
- What does living an authentic life mean to me? What does staying true to who you really am mean?
- What does happiness and contentment mean to me?
- What is my greatest fear? What are my barriers to moving forward?
- In my heart, what must I stop doing to attain the life I’ve always strived for?
- What must I start doing?
- Is there anything that I should continue doing?
- Who are the key people in my life that I have a fully transparent relationship with and that I could tell them anything without judgement? Don’t be concerned, as most of us only have only one to two people who fall into this category.
Okay, now that you have your list there are a couple of things you can do.
First things first, re-read your answers a few times, let them sink in, noodle them, contemplate your answers some more – this may take anywhere from a few hours to a few days, but put a time limit on it.
Engage your confidant(s) in a conversation and share your notes and list. This is super beneficial in that it can help round out your thinking, catch anything you may have missed and generally provide insights and color commentary, but most importantly without judgement.
This will be an ongoing conversation, not just a one time thing. It will take courage from you to keep it a topic of conversation, sometimes hear some home truths that you may not want to hear (so listening is very important) and understanding from your confidant(s) to help support these ongoing discussions.
Getting to these honest and realistic conversations is vital on your journey of self discovery.
The longer and (speaking from experience) more difficult task is coming to grips with the change that may be required from you personally.
You also have to be cognizant that this may impact those around you, so tread lightly. Timing is everything… 🙂
The other aspect on our journey of self discovery is to get past the little voice in your head constantly being negative and generally causing havoc (okay, maybe that’s just me!) 🙂
I have learned to quieten my mind by letting go of the small irritants in life, and practicing going with the flow. Not as easy as it sounds, as they have been with us for life…
Your ability to accept that life has ups and downs, and to stay positive and focused, and ignoring the noise will begin to reprogram your mind.
It’s also important to realize that in the grand scheme of things how little control we have in our lives, but for the parts we do, then it’s all about staying true to yourself.
The other part to developing a resilient mindset is your ability to create your own happiness.
Coming to terms with the fact that the only person that can make you happy is the one looking back at you in the mirror each morning is powerful. Especially when you take control of your life and begin following your heart and gut.
It took me a long time to figure this out, but ever since its been the cornerstone of my new life.
This type of introspective analysis is uncharted territory for most people, not only does it take a lot of courage to even begin the process of self-discovery but the longer your stick at it the more rewarding it becomes..
It’s not something that happens overnight, nor should it.
The other thing to remember is that there are no “right or wrong” answers on this journey of self-discovery. Ultimately, it’s all about your best judgement, focus and willingness to work hard to be the best you can be…no matter what
Happy list writing! Until next week
JulienFebruary 9, 2019
Thank you for sharing these tips. You are right this is not an overnight process. You also have to believe that you can find your way. Cheers