During the course of our lives, we all experience a sense of loss, and these unexpected moments often catch us by surprise…
And so, it was this week with me. A good friend of mine for over 30 years told me that he has inoperable cancer…
To say I was floored was an understatement.
Over the course of our careers, we’d worked together on two separate occasions spanning a number of years collectively.
Then about six years ago he’d been diagnosed with cancer, and at the time been able to make a recovery albeit a painful one as he had to endure a significant operation and then rounds of chemotherapy.
It took time, but he recovered.
So I was shocked and saddened by his message to me, but even more so that I’m 15,000 km away in Australia and not able to support him in any meaningful way.
I’ve been struggling with a sense of loss since receiving his message.
Clearly, it’s opened up the question of our mortality and how tenuous our lives really are. What we often don’t realize is that the most important aspect of our lives is our health and the quality of life that we have.
He told me he wanted to tell me himself versus hearing via others, and that he’d gone to the hospital a couple of weeks ago with a lot of pain throughout his entire body.
Being unsure what it was they began tests…
However, the news quickly came back that his cancer was back and had spread to all of his vital organs.
I’m not sure how you even could prepare yourself for news like this.
His diagnosis and message to me hit me like a proverbial ton of bricks, so I can’t even fathom how he must be feeling emotionally. This unexpected moment feels completely surreal…
I’ve had such a range of complex and mixed emotions. Shock and disbelief initially, almost too difficult to comprehend.
His news brought back memories of the loss of my dad back in 2011.
The lesson I learned with dad’s illness and eventual passing is that “everything is fine until the day it’s not”.
I’ve always looked up to my friend as one of the smartest and intuitive people I’ve ever known. Just a great soul if you know what I mean.
Honestly, it’s hard to know how best to support him.
It’s been great to be back and forth chatting with him reflecting on the many shared experiences and conversations we’ve had over the years.
The best thing is that he has a positive mindset and that they are looking forward rather than behind. Planning for trips and adventures together.
I’m not surprised as he is an extremely positive guy and always has been.
I’m not sure about you, but I don’t think about my mortality on a regular basis. I guess we all believe that we’ll just keep living with no real thought about it until something like this happens.
That’s why we need to celebrate life each day and not wait for a “special ocassion”. Every day is special and although we don’t see or feel it that the more important reason to honour it.
You don’t need to be lavish in your celebrations, I find simple things are best.
Treating yourself to a gelato, taking a walk to breath in nature or anything that helps signify your personal celebration of life.
These miniscule moments make up the fabric of our lives.
Unfortunately, we get so caught up in our day-to-day that we don’t take moments just for us.
So, the question I have for you is – what have you done just for yourself today? Whenever I’d speak about these moments with my sister, we always talked about giving ourselves a green apple.
This concept was something my counsellor had shared with me many years ago and helped me cope, but also to think more broadly for us each day.
The other important aspect of my recent conversations has been the positivity emanating from my friend and his wife.
I often talk about mindset and how important it is, but this has been a real example of being a difference maker.
This deep and profound sense of positivity is not only for them, but also for all the people that surround them and feel that energy.
There is no question that it will make a significant difference the coming weeks, and months ahead.
I know I’ve struggled this week, likely more than expected, but my takeaway is that it’s provided me with the opportunity to reconnect with an old friend, share stories and enjoy each other’s company once more.
It’s also allowed me to reflect on what’s most important in life – your loved ones, family and friends…
And the strength of mindset and how it can impact all aspects of your life and those close to you.
Most of all – know that you are loved!
Until next week
Ciao
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