Each of us have priorities that we focus on. Some of these are ongoing, others are fleeting and in the moment.
Over the course of our lifetimes our priorities flex and change as you’d expect although I do have one specific priority that I’ve come to realize is critical for my personal wellbeing.
No, it’s not Zach, Sam nor Judy as they are always my priority.
The priority I’m talking about is me…
Yes, I’m the priority in my life.
Unfortunately for many this isn’t the case, and you’re relegated yourself down the list, sometimes to the point of not even being heard or considered.
I found myself in this situation during my last marriage when I was at one of my lowest ebbs. Not only had I not prioritized myself I felt invisible to those around me.
For much of the last couple of years of that relationship I felt as though no-one cared about me or my well-being. I felt as though I spent almost my entire life taking care of others, with little if anything being reciprocated…
Only after the relationship ended that I got reacquainted with myself and who I really was did I come to understand some important truths.
It was during this time I had the realization that it’s not someone else’s responsibility to take care of me, but mine alone. My other big epiphany was that “I am enough, just as I am”.
These mindset changes were literally like a breath of fresh air for a trapped miner.
This important change included making time for me and the things that were my priorities. Beyond Zach and Sam, this included me spending a year part-time studying improv at the Second City.
It also included taking yoga classes, learning to meditate, exploring the world alone whenever I had the opportunity and most importantly learning to love myself.
I didn’t need to always put others first. Nope, I could choose me and that was okay.
Loving yourself isn’t selfish, it’s a necessity for a healthy life.
When I was at my lowest ebb, I felt unlovable and not valued by the ones that I loved. Instead, I should have been looking in the mirror to find the culprit…
It can be easy to blame others for your feelings and the issues in your life, but when we take responsibility and see the situation for what it actually is we need to step back and take accountability.
Once you’re able to do this, it changes the complexion of your life and enables you, with diligence to make a major mindset shift.
I mentioned diligence in that we can be easy to slip back into your old ways of thinking and how we view the world, so it is important to continue to focus and work on you, your subsequent priorities and mindset change.
I spent a decade learning to love myself, and the invaluable lessons that come with changing my mindset from that of being a victim to becoming the hero in my own story.
No longer did I blame others for my short comings, or challenges. Nope, these were mine and mine alone…
This journey of love and discovery actually never ends.
Even now, a decade removed from my initial epiphany it’s important to remember that happiness is an inside job and that to be the best person I can be, not only for me but for all those around me I need to prioritize me with self-care, love and forgiveness.
One of my bug bears in life is when I hear someone talk badly to themselves.
It’s important for others to understand that negative self-talk is a toxic trait for your personally.
Each time we talk badly to ourselves we internalize the negativity and angst only to continually wear down our inner resilience, love and self-respect.
We all make mistakes, and so personal forgiveness is vital for a healthy relationship with yourself.
I realize that the different stages in our life each come with their own nuances.
However, focusing on you and prioritizing your needs is one of the best ways to ensure that you can withstand the ebb and flow of life.
This enables you to be the best version of yourself, whether it’s as human being, friend, lover, or father.
For me personally once I understood that I needed to be a priority in my life, I also was able to become a better father and role model for Zach and Sam.
By changing my mindset and developing my emotional intelligence my parenting skills evolved to becoming less judgemental and a much better listener.
I was kinder to myself thus allowing myself to be more open and forgiving of others.
This translated into strong and enduring relationships with my kids, who also picked up on my journey and also began to exhibit more self-care and love for themselves.
We all became more open, and forgiving of each other and the challenges we were all facing on a day-to-day basis.
No one is going to hand you the perfect life, but let’s be clear you are fully responsible for the quality of your life and all that transpires… good or bad.
Some food for thought!
Until next week.
Ciao
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