Connectedness…

This week I’ve been thinking about connectedness of families and the fact that it only takes one generation to lose touch.

Strangely tenuous if you ask me…

Now, not all families are like this but there are many that fit this bill including mine.

I think it hit home more powerfully upon reflection of our road trip to visit family in Victoria over last year’s holiday season.

I’ve been back in Australia for over two years now, after 32 years of living in Canada. At that time, I had no real opportunity to visit more than once every other year… at best!

As you can imagine when I lived in Canada, I felt isolated from my siblings.  And let’s face it 32 years is a heck of a long time to be apart.

I’ve also noticed that in many family structures there is one who decides to go their own way and separate.

In the grand scheme of things, I suppose I’m just one of those people.  For more than a decade it was just me, Zach, and Sam.  And when they weren’t with me it was just me on my lonesome!

In reality I’ve always felt like a bit of a black sheep… and lacked connectedness.

That’s okay, I came to terms with being by myself from an early age.  It’s also because I tend to have a lack trust with people and so if you don’t have to rely on anyone then you won’t be disappointed.

Over the years I came to enjoy my solitude and was comfortable doing things alone.

In fact, a significant amount of travel has been by myself.   Perhaps this is partly because I’m selfish as well.

Although not a redeeming quality I didn’t have to considers others when I travelled.  I could choose the things and places I wanted to see on my terms without any considerations…

Certainly, convenient but also at times a little empty.

Not being able to share that gorgeous Italian sunset over a glass of wine, a lazy breakfast in some far-flung corner of the world or being immersed into a new culture.

Nope, there was a lack of connectedness with the outside world.

As I said, I realize that I’m not alone.  But I’m thankful that I met Judy and am now in a loving relationship where we can explore together.

The ebbs and flows mean that Zach will be heading back to North America next year to pursue his Doctorate studies, and Sam will be finishing her undergraduate degree in Canada.

Sam still hasn’t decided what she wants to do beyond her degree.  There’s been talk of a Master’s degree in London or Copenhagen (still a long way from Australia), but that’s what happens when you teach your kids to travel at an early age.

They see the world as their oyster with no barrier to travelling or living in another country.  In fact, they relish the opportunity and grasp it with two hands…

Sound familiar?  I suppose in retrospect the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree if you know what I mean.

Although I would love to have them both living close by so we could be part of each other’s lives on a day-to-day basis.  Family dinners, activities together, birthdays…

I realize this is a selfish thought and one that is not based in reality.

Perhaps I’m craving the connectedness with them and would love to have Judy spend more time with them, and indeed us as a family.

They have their lives to live, and I want to celebrate and cheer them on with every phase of life that they embark upon.

However, the reality is that also makes me a little sad…

As I look back on their childhood years, I wouldn’t change a thing but miss the closeness and shared experiences.

Many parents can’t wait for their kids’ adolescent years to be over… so that they can grow up and move out.

I felt the opposite and enjoyed having a house full of kids, both them and their friends at home.  Perhaps it was the vibrancy and energy of always having a lot on the go.

However, like me with my family and the seeming lack of connectedness (other than with my sister Glenda). I worry that they may also experience the same given that they have now lived apart for a number of years.

If I look back on my family history, it’s easy to spot the relatives that chose a different path.  Many moving away and losing touch with the others in the family.

Take a moment to look back at your experience and that of your family.

Were there any “black sheep”?  Were there some that separated from the family and chose that different path?

Are they mere shadows in your memory or do they play a prominent part in your family’s history?

I’m a big believer in fate, so I’m curious to see what happens next in our family unit.  Nothing is guaranteed, so being okay with what life has in store for us all is an exciting next step.

Until next week

Ciao!