For some reason I’ve been thinking about my mortality of late and have decided to write the letters…
So, what are the letters you speak of?
Well, even though for the most part I’ve been able to share my most inner thoughts with the ones I love I’ve decided to write each of the most important people in my life a letter that is to be opened after I’ve passed.
Don’t fret – I’m not sick and this isn’t a code for anything other than something I’ve decided to do.
I feel as fit as I did when I was in my 20’s but as a writer I’ve been thinking more and more about this important act of love and decided to press on with crafting these individual letters.
Clearly, there will only be a small handful of people that I want to say my goodbyes to as well as share anything special or important thought with after my final act.
The letters can’t be rushed.
When I think about the contents of these love letters, I feel like it’s an important moment to say my goodbyes, cos as we know things don’t always go according to plan nor do you always have control of your life.
The letters help me gather my thoughts and wishes during a time of good health. These letters are not meant for anyone other than the person they are written for.
In all likelihood there will be some life advice for Zach and Sam, or wisdom that I think is important for them to know that I perhaps haven’t had the opportunity to tell in person.
For Judy it will be my feelings of love and appreciation for all that she has given me including our shared adventures and most cherished memories.
Indeed, they will be an intimate collection of feelings and desires, perhaps memories that we’ve shared to help lessen the blow of my departure.
You’re probably reading this and thinking that I’m completely off my rocker…
Actually, far from it.
In my mind it’s not crazy to provide something like this to the ones love dearly…
All too often, like in the case of my dad during his illness and ultimate passing when he became sick, he couldn’t focus on anything other than his illness.
Completely understandable given the circumstances and the swiftness of his passing.
But for those caring for them there will never be enough time to say your goodbyes or have a moment when you’re actually caught up in the maelstrom of an illness.
In fact, for those supporting that person it is difficult because in many cases it’s one-way flow love and support during this time as the looming end is too much to bear in this situation.
The letters provide an opportunity for the person who is ill or has passed on due to an accident or sudden incident to say thank you and say how much they care about you.
Maybe it’s because I didn’t have the opportunity to say goodbye to my mum. With my dad it was a little different circumstances in that I was able to help him during his relatively short illness.
However, what was lacking was the connection given that I had been living overseas for so many years and we just didn’t have that type of relationship.
As well, I think it was somewhat of a generational thing as well in that feelings and outward displays of emotion were just not part of our family make up.
Both my parents grew up in varying degrees of difficulty, although it seems the common denominator was that love and affection were in short supply.
I know they did the best they could but, it was difficult for me to come to terms with each of their respective losses.
In reality I guess I’m making up for my lost opportunities…
All I know is that in my mind, the letters are an important task that I want to undertake.
Trust me they won’t be super long or indulgent, but they will go straight to the heart of the matter and that is how much they have meant to me during the course of my life and how their presence has enriched my life immeasurably.
I’m hoping that they don’t get to read them for a very long time, but you never know… right!
What I do hope, however, is that they read the letters with an open heart and feel the love that I have for them flow from my words directly to them.
If nothing more than a treasured memory to hold on to and to thank each special person in my life with a letter about how they’ve touched my soul and the joy that they’ve bought me over a lifetime.
This is my expression of love for them. If they choose to share it, then it will be completely up to them.
Not sure if this week’s essay has prompted any thoughts or considerations for you personally.
You just never know – right?
Until next week
Ciao
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