The importance of forgiveness…

Over the course of my life, I’ve come to understand the importance of forgiveness and the key factors that enable us to move forward even after the most trying of experiences…

Sure, it’s easy to be mad and hold a grudge, but to what end?

In many cases the only person holding and feeling onto this anger is you…

And so, what value does holding onto it give you?

I would say very little, other than keeping you from moving forward and potentially your blood pressure high…

At some point in our lives, we all need to understand the concept of letting go of this anger, grudges and wrongdoings by others and come to terms with these feelings

Now, I’m not saying you should forget the situation per see but forgiving them and moving on is the key.

You may never place your trust in them again but remember forgetting and forgiveness are two entirely different things.

Often people confuse forgiveness as just letting it go, however it’s much more than that.

True forgiveness also includes empathy, compassion and understanding.

Empathy is our ability to place ourselves in someone else’s shoes and try to understand the pressures and circumstances that may have contributed to their actions.

Sometimes this is easy, other times not so much.

In many respects our ability to forgive is also a reflection of our level of maturity and self-awareness, which as you know are also tied to our mindset.

Whereas compassion is understanding the magnitude of their suffering and trying to help alleviate this pain. This type of sensitivity is not universal and not the same as empathy.

Some people may never discover a level of empathy or compassion, and therefore will struggle with the concept of forgiveness for their entire lives.

In fact, I’m sure you know someone who is like this.

I believe it begins with our mindset.

Those of us with a growth mindset are more likely to see forgiveness as an opportunity for personal and relational growth.

We believe that people can change and improve, which makes us more open to forgiving them, especially when mixed with empathy and compassion.

However, if we see someone with a fixed mindset it may be almost impossible for them to get past the wrongdoing or situation that put them there in the first place.

They’re boxed in with a single hardwired mindset that is unable to forgive.  Keeping hold of long-term anger tends to impact your physical and emotional wellbeing.

I realize that anger is a normal emotion, but it’s the holding onto this anger that is the troublesome part.

When you get rid of anger, your muscles are able to relax, you’re tend to be less anxious, you also seem to have more energy.  Deeper within your body it also helps your immune system return to its resilient state.

For me personally forgiveness has been a long road…

After being sexually abused during my teenage years by a female in our family I was eventually able to get the help I needed, but the longer-term implications have been difficult.

During my early 20’s I felt like I was suffocating under the enormity of the situation and not able to tell anyone, which only exacerbated my angst.

With counselling I was able to understand the hurt, guilt, shame that had been impacting my mental and physical health.

It took a lot of work and personal self-reflection to regain my emotional and mental health… years in fact!

In time I have been able to forgive my abuser and now find myself in a place where I can openly discuss it.  This means that I have also forgiven myself.

Strange you might think, but essential.

Even though I was too young to understand I blamed myself and so finding empathy, compassion and understanding for my younger self has been an important part of my healing process.

It’s been a personal journey and so when I talk of forgiveness, I know deep down what this means and how changing your mindset can bring significant changes to your view of the world.

For many years I viewed everything in a negative light as I held on to my anger tight.  I always felt like the victim… no matter what situation.

However, with time and perspective I’ve able to radically change my point-of-view and see the world in a far different way.

A big part of this has been to share this story with others.

This week’s essay will impact some people differently, and that’s okay.

It may in fact bring up situations not too dissimilar from mine for some of my readers. My intention has not been to upset anyone or dig up old situations that have hurt you, but to let you know that there is a way forward with the right type of thinking and support.

Remember, you may never forget the situation but you, and you alone have the ability to forgive.

It’s time to let go, get help if you need it, begin to heal and move on.

Holding on the negativity is harmful on so many levels, and most of all because it blocks your ability to find peace, harmony and contentment in your life.

Until next week

Ciao!