A number of years ago I read a book called “A Fortunate Life” by Albert B. Facey. Now considered an Australian literary classic, selling over a million copies to generations of readers mostly in Australia.

The most surprising thing was that the author (Albert) didn’t learn to read and write until after his return from the Great War at the ripe old age of 20.

For me as I read his simple, uncomplicated and straightforward tome it was more than that garnered my attention.

It was his underlying acceptance of his lot in life; he didn’t complain about his life’s hardships or his struggles. He focused on how lucky he was to have lived such a wonderfully rich and amazing life. Irrespective of the difficulty or losses that he’d encountered along the way…

The book was published shortly before his death in 1982 and was written at the urging of his children. Another interesting fact is that Albert wrote the entire manuscript in longhand. Now that truly is a feat!

Clearly, it was the culmination of many years of reflecting upon his extraordinary life and the difficult manner in which he then transcribed the manuscript. Even for a younger person this would have been a laborious task, let along someone in much later in life.

As you’re well aware our memories are unreliable at best, especially with the lens of time and it makes for an interesting read.

As I reflected on my life, I also see myself in the category of living a fortunate life.  Albeit the hardships that I faced as a child (growing up in poverty + sexual abuse) I know that without those experiences I wouldn’t be the person I am today, irrespective of how difficult life was at that time.

I think the worst aspect of these childhood hardships has been the feelings of shame that accompanied both the poverty and the abuse.  They went hand-in-hand if you know what I mean…   

During my childhood the feelings of not being good enough when I didn’t have money for lunch at school or had to wear patched and second-hand clothes was difficult to live through.  In many ways this took away from my confidence, which in turn made me easy prey for my abuser.

My abuser always reinforced the fact that I was the one at fault as they’d never believe a child in this situation and that they’d take me away and punish me. As a child you tend believe what is told to you by adults, especially if they’re in your family structure.

This fear of being exposed along with the abuse went hand in hand and only ended when I left home for university. The deep sense of shame isolated me, and in many ways, forced me to distance myself from friends and family.

My journey to healing has taken many years. 

The most difficult part was acknowledging that I had a problem that was just too big to overcome by myself.  I needed professional help and so began the long journey of counselling that spanned more than a decade.

What I found in my counselling was my voice. 

I was able to finally articulate my sadness and frustration but more importantly was able to rebuild my confidence.  The realization that I had survived the ordeal and that I no longer had to live with the shame was enough for me to get from underneath the suffocating feelings of hopelessness, but to begin to live my life on my terms.

This rebirth changed many aspects of my life, including, and most importantly my mindset. 

I was no longer the victim, unlovable or unworthy…   

The change in my mindset allowed me to look at the world in a different way, a way in which I felt in control.  It also allowed me to finally believe that I was enough just the way I am.

So, when I think about my fortunate life, it’s clearly not without its hardship, stress, sadness or shame but with a sense of “I survived” and came out a stronger, more resilient individual.   

In the process, I became an advocate for reflection, forgiveness and self-love.  Whether this is through counselling or other means it is vital that you find the mental space and belief to get help. 

I know that when you’re stuck in your own head and have to relive the past day-in-day-out it can become totally distracting and overwhelming, but if you’re able to separate those thoughts, even for only a short time and get help then I know from personal experience that you can heal and move on with your life.

It takes an enormous amount of courage to ask for help, but so does living your life in a mental cell. 

In retrospect all I can say is that without risk there is no reward.  

I realize that my personal journey is not yours, and so as you take time to reflect on your life – be kind to yourself, be accepting that the past is the past and forgive.  This act allows you to release the shackles that could be holding you back from living the life you’ve always dreamed of.

Now is the time to move forward…

Until next week.

Ciao!

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